More TESTS?!?!

You either love tests or you hate them. I personally hate those who love them.

My whole life I've been terrified of tests. This includes quizzes, tests and standardized tests. I've always been a horrible test taker. I would study for hours upon hours and then come T-day my mind would go completely blank. Can you relate? What's worse is that I would start to sweat, break out in hives and start to feel sick to my stomach. Everyone just thought I needed Ritalin and/or Prozac so that's what I got. Well, that didn't really get me the A's. I was just a super hyper, happy teenager with bad grades. Boo!

My parents wanted to do everything and anything to help me feel confident and get the grades I needed to pass. I had tutors, went to study sessions, got permission to be an untimed test taker (this got a lot of eye-rolls in high school), etc. I got a private SAT tutor that cost more than some cars and I didn't even submit my SAT scores! We did it all. Bottom line is I hate them and I suck at them. This is me embracing it.

After graduating from college I was thrilled to not have to take another freaking test. I had thought about becoming a clinical psychologist or a nutritionist, but I didn't want to take a test. How silly is that?

There are so many things that I want to do in this world that require me to take a test. Can I really let my future happiness, my career be stopped by the fear of a test? NO!

Last August I quit my job to go back to school. I decided that I wanted to take science courses so I could apply to med schools. This was a huge step for me. 1. It had been 5 years since I had taken any sort of test and 2. I was going back to school; something I swore I would never do.

I went into the fall semester with a positive attitude. I would do whatever it takes to make the grade. I did. I studied for hours, sought extra help and really cut myself off from everyone. And boy did it pay off. I made the honor role!!

I'm 2 semesters in and 50 tests down. Someone give me words of encouragement or some Ritalin to keep going because I'm losing steam.

Striving for Perfection

I've always wanted the perfect family, perfect job, perfect apartment, perfect friends, and perfect boyfriend. You might realize that having so much perfection is impossible and I applaud you for realizing this. I got to the point of total exhaustion. It can't happen. Hi, I'm Rachel and I'm not perfect.

I think for me I always compared my life to others'. I saw that they had a perfect boyfriend or a perfect job, but I didn't realize that other things in their lives could be imperfect. These people that were perfect in some ways were totally imbalanced and unhappy in others. I've sort of come to the point in my life where it's okay if things aren't perfect, but as long as I can stay balanced that's the most important thing. Please note the phrase "sort of," it's a constant struggle for me.

That's why we're here on Gen-Yise together. We're here to support each other. You might be stronger or have more balance in the area of relationships than another Gen-Yiser and she might have a more balanced career. We're here to share our experiences so we can all strive to live healthier, happier, more balanced lives. What area of your life do you feel is imbalanced? Share your story and get connected.

Opting out of family vacations

It's summertime and I'm dreading the invitation from my parents to go on the annual family holiday to the lake house. Let's face it the older you get the harder it is to go on vacation with your family. There was a time when it was all fun and games and I guess I just thought it would always be that way. There is something to say about free fun in the sun, but I just don't think it's worth the misery that I go through every single time.

Back in high school and college my brother never came on family vacations and I really resented him for it. I just thought he didn't love us and that he thought his life was so much more important. It took me 5 years, but I get it now.

First, I should clarify what I mean by family. This goes beyond my mom, dad and siblings. I'm talking mom, dad, little sister, older sister, brother-in-law, brother, sister in-law, 5 kids between the ages of 3 and 8, 2 black labs, and my sister's in-laws. Wow I'm tired just thinking about it. It's nonstop kids and nonstop chaos.

I have to sleep on a pullout couch and the kids are up at 6am which is also when they come into the living room to get me up. This just puts me in a bad mood and I mope around the lake house for the entire vacation, which of course isn't fun for me or my family.

In all honesty, I think I feel a little left out because I'm old enough to be married with kids, but I don't. But then again if I think I'm old enough why do I mope around like a little kid?

Can you relate to this? Is it wrong for me to opt out of family vacations until I have a family of my own or should I just suck it up and be a grownup about it?

"Brilliant in an odd way"

Sometimes bosses have a backhanded way of paying you a compliment. When I left my last job to go back to school I emailed my boss to appreciate him for everything he taught me and how I was very lucky to work in a company like his where its employees are respected. Check out his response.

thanks for writing and appreciating me.

I'm excited for you. I think you're brilliant in an odd way and making this shift will help you get clearer, stronger and more in touch with your strengths.

warmly,

Umm...is that a backhanded way of telling me I'm stupid? I emailed my friends and called my dad immediately. My friends went crazy over this. Some laughed and said no he doesn't think you're stupid, but maybe that wasn't the best way to phrase it. Come on, if he thought I was genuinely brilliant couldn't he have just said that? This boss was known for saying things that left you thinking, did he really just say that to me? or am I supposed to laugh or just feel uncomfortable? Anyway, I couldn't even respond to that email I was so burned.

Since I've had 10 months to think about it I've found a way to see only the positive in it. He called me brilliant and he's an odd person...end of story. Too easy? Honestly, I think women have the tendency to read too much into things and especially emails. You may be able to detect the tone in an email, but you cannot be 100% certain. Read what's on the surface and don't dissect it to the core. Seriously, you will save yourself months...10 months to be exact...of mental abuse.

What are some backhanded comments that you have received from a supervisor or even a friend or family member? Are you still trying to get over it? Share your wisdom!

Too old for photo booth sessions?

I would like to think not, but when I think of photo shoots I picture me dressing up in my mom's heels and putting on her makeup as a little girl.

Whenever I'm in the mood for a good photo sesh my friend Anna and I always go to this dive bar in the East Village in NYC. It's totally where 22 year olds go out to hang and the last few times I've been I have definitely felt a little too old. But basically you go, get your beer and free pizza and then set up tent right outside the photo booth until it's free. For $3 a shoot we get everything from sultry to constipated to totally normal and cute. These priceless pictures used to line my computer screen at work. I haven't had a good photo session with Anna in maybe 10 months and I am in desperate need, hence the lonely photo booth session you see on the left. (Yes, this was done on my macbook—lame!) Next time we go I think we'll just make a B line for the photo booth and skip the beer and free pizza. On second thought I can never pass up free food!

What is your fondest photo booth memory? And are you ever too old?

I'll workout for chocolate cake

There is something to be said for being young. When I was 22 I used to wake up at 5:30 every morning to hit the gym. Ugh, the thought of it right now makes me want to take a nap. I'd roll out of bed, get dressed, pack my work clothes and makeup and head to the crappy coffee shop on my corner and then to New York Sports Club.

I'd run for a little, do some weights, then shower and hop on the 4/5 from 86th and Lexington Ave. I was revved for the day. In my mind I wanted to get my workout out of the way so I wouldn't feel as guilty about eating the chocolate cake that was sitting in the test kitchen when I got to work. Do you do that? Workout in the morning knowing that there is a double-layered, rich, creamy chocolate cake waiting for you? Ugh, now I want chocolate cake...

What is your motivation for working out? Is it enough just knowing that it's good for your long term health or do you think about the food that you want to eat during the day?

I'm going to tell you now that 30 minutes of cardio does not cancel out a piece of chocolate cake. Yeah, it took me 15 pounds to realize that one.